On the Personality Disorders of Legislators

My friend, the late Rep. Shady Wall (D-Monroe), was committed several times, and fellow House members often thought that perhaps he was released a bit early. His dear wife was rather wealthy — as he often told us from the well of the Louisiana House Chamber.  

Rep. Shady Wall was known as a dandy of sorts and dressed in rather gaudy $1,000 suits, which he changed several times during the course of a legislative day.  We could always tell when he was about to launch a major address.  He would disappear from the House Chamber and reappear a bit later decked in an entirely different outfit, looking like a country music star at a concert. The press would magically appear on time for such occasions, and Shady would hold forth for a half hour or more — far more than the House rules provided.  

No matter what Rep. Wall said, he was hardly ever contradicted or attacked by other members of the House.  Shady knew the foibles of every single member of the body, and he was ready at a moment’s notice to tell everything he knew in shocking detail. 

The foolhardy few who challenged his character or questioned him often found themselves laid bare on the floor of the House Chamber. After Shady dismembered them, neither the fellow’s mother nor his best friend would even admit to knowing him.  

As Shady spoke, every state representative, staff member, and member of the press would watch in rapt amazement as he told his tale from the mic.  The man was  always embarrassingly truthful, totally frank, as politically incorrect as one could be, wildly insane, and absolutely hilarious.  

He could ruin your career with a quick story.  Or kill your bill with the turn of a phrase.

No matter how bizarre or over the top Rep. Wall got in those glorious sessions, he would always win the moment in the end by questioning his own sanity and then pulling from his coat pocket his latest discharge papers from one of our fine mental institutions.  The document would state that Rep. Shady Wall was released from the facility because he was in fact of sound mind.

“And this proves,” Rep. Shady Wall would say, “that I am the only sane person among all of you!”

Shady was known always to be armed and would sometimes brandish his weapon at the podium, relying on his legislative immunity to keep him out of trouble.  He said he was non-violent and that it was necessary to be armed only to protect himself from those husbands who had failed to properly attend to their wives, requiring the dear ladies to seek his affections. 

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So the Louisiana House of Representatives has a history of — if not downright insanity — let’s be kind and call it a history of its members having certain “personality disorders.”  

Yes, and that is the topic today — the personality disorders of legislators at the State Capitol in Baton Rouge.  I focus on the House only because I have known the House since 1964.  However, I would say without fear of contradiction that any personality disorder that exists in the House would be even worse in the Louisiana Senate.

We must of course pay homage to “the science”!  Unfortunately, so little is known about the root causes of personality disorders that we will have to satisfy ourselves by simply describing in lay terms the types of disorder legislators exhibit.  These can best be understood by their names.  All of these are based on real people who served in the Louisiana House of Representatives or an amalgam of real people.  They can be male or female.  Not all are represented in the Class of 2020-2024:

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•Rep. Born Yesterday doesn’t realize that we’ve had a legislature since Louisiana became a state in 1812 and even before that a territorial legislature. Rep. Born Yesterday is so eager to pass his “new” idea into law that he doesn’t bother to do even the most basic research on the topic.  If he did, he would realize that his wonderful “new” idea is already law or that it’s been tried before and ruled unconstitutional multiple times or that it is so costly that it would break the bank or that it’s been tried and simply doesn’t work.  Even after this would-be “legislator” learns that it’s already the law or has been ruled unconstitutional, he sometimes goes ahead and introduces the bill anyway!  You can’t be too sure, he says! 

•Rep. It’s All About Me is so caught up in his own race, sex, or grievance that he can’t comprehend that he is there to represent all the people in the state and not to be on a personal vendetta. He can’t in his mind separate past from present or truth from fiction. He focuses on trying in vain to erase sins long in the past, instead of bringing people together for a better future.

•Rep. Student Council President is attractive and has used his good looks to run for and get elected to lots of things since he was a child.  He is mainly interested in getting elected and has no idea what to do after being elected, but it is fun, and he enjoys the attention.  His voting record reveals no real philosophy or pattern, but he really cares and will probably be elected for three straight four-year terms.

•Rep. Angry is angry — angry about everything!  He loves to rail at the mic and shout insults at his enemies.  He is above all a bully.  But in a tough negotiating session with the governor or a powerful sheriff or a lobbying group, he is the first to fold and side with power.

•Rep. Payback carries a lot of grudges.  People have done him wrong, and he is eager to pay them back, especially now that he is in public office.  He loves to say that what goes around comes around. He would like to take away his enemy’s job or destroy his reputation, or even put him in jail.  However, he always ends up shooting himself in the foot, because he forgets that the people he hurts will come back to hurt him.  

•Rep. Opportunity is a thief. Of course, he doesn’t plan to go to jail but he does want what he hasn’t earned and doesn’t deserve.  Government is a good place to get those things the easy way.  He’s always looking for financial opportunity as he pursues his legislative career.  Because his motives are wrong, Rep. Opportunity tends to make a lot of mistakes that get him in trouble.  Watch for the police reports in the newspaper.  You’ll probably read more about him there!

•Rep. Feed Me loves the lobbyists and all the personal favors they can do for him.  He loves to eat well.  He loves to socialize with movers and shakers and pretty girls.  He loves good food and drink, especially when he  is in Baton Rouge.  Unfortunately for him, the chances of his having an impact at the Capitol are minimal.

•Rep. Let’s Go! loves to travel, especially if someone else will pay for the trip!  He’s always looking for a fun place to have a legislative conference.  He’ll get the legislature to pay not only the cost of the trip but also a per diem, if he can get it. Rep. Let’s Go! always lines up with the Speaker of the House, because the Speaker controls how money is spent for travel.

• Rep. Where Am I? is always in a bit in a daze. Although he’s been up since early this morning, he always looks like he just woke up. No one expects much of him because he’s obviously having a hard day.

•Rep. Know-It-All has “been there and done that,” and he is quick to tell you so.  If you have an idea or a suggestion, he will always say, “Yes, I was just thinking of that!” He is the ultimate critic, and whatever you say will be wrong, no matter how good it is.  He enjoys finding fault, and he finds plenty of it — in everything but himself!  

• Rep. Greedy wants it all!  If it’s a line item in the appropriations bill or a list of special projects, he demands it all or as close to all as he can get.  Be careful!  If he likes your bill, he may steal it by introducing an identical bill under his name. Because of his enormous influence, his bill will go to committee for a hearing, and your bill either will be heard on the last day of the session or not at all.

•Rep. Finally Somebody has run for a lot of things and never been elected, but somehow the incumbent died or something happened, and Rep. Finally Somebody barely got elected to the legislature over a weak field of candidates.  He will be here only four years, but while he’s here, he wants to soak it all in. He loves having his legislative license plate and his beautiful legislative parking spot. Meeting the governor was the supreme honor of his life and, although he is supposedly a conservative, he will do anything he thinks the governor wants him to do.  His ultimate dream is a Pentagon apartment, but he will never get it!

•Rep. Tipsy has a serious drinking problem that his wife works hard to keep under control while he is at home.  However, while in Baton Rouge, there is no one to check his behavior.  He may smell of alcohol at morning committee meetings. The main challenge is to keep him away from the mic, especially when the media is around. He’s very happy and is a good solid vote for whoever talks to him last.  

• Rep. Rich Guy has plenty, plenty money.  He’s successful in business which he thinks makes him smart in politics, but it doesn’t. He’s used to buying things, lording it over people, and telling people what to do.  He’s probably close to the governor, which may make him look smarter than he is.  The governor can get him projects and recognition, which he would never get using his natural instincts.  He will soon be bored with the legislature and move on.

•Rep. Old-Timer has been at the Capitol since… forever.  He knows everything about how they used to do things and he loves telling everyone how it was.  If you ask him the time of day, he gives you the history of Swiss watchmaking and forgets to give you the time.  However, if you can somehow keep him on point, he can help you. He knows how everything works.

•Rep. School Board served on the parish school board and he mentions it often.  There’s an old saying that if the only tool you have is a hammer, it’s easy to see every problem as a nail!  However, every problem is not a nail.  Unfortunately, Rep. School Board sees every problem as a school board problem.  He may need a seminar on it or a workshop or a year-long study.  Since no education problem ever seems to be solved, he is a content to study problems indefinitely, because that’s what problems are for, right?  He will want “input” from the teachers’ union and the involvement of all “stakeholders.” He’ll probably have a long run in the legislature and will change nothing.

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So you might be asking yourself if there are any “normal” people in the legislature.  Well, of course, that depends on what you mean by “normal,” doesn’t it?  

I would say, yes, there are!  Not many but some.  Maybe 10 to 15 per cent of the members are rock solid, salt of the earth, have their heads screwed on right, and are not in it for their own benefit.  They work hard, study the bills, try to make honest decisions, and have only the best interests of our citizens at heart. That’s not many but it is sometimes enough to herd a majority of the House together.

Making laws has been likened to making sausage.  If you watch it been being made, you would never eat it!  Most people never see how laws are made and will never know what the people who make the laws are really like.  

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How can all this change?  

There’s really only two ways.  You have to either run for the legislature and change things from the inside, or you can go to the Capitol, get involved, build your network, sound the alarm when necessary, and change things from the outside.

Legislators have to be taught that they will either be part of the rock solid 10 to 15 percent or they will be defeated and replaced by people without these personality disorders.

We need men and women in the legislature who are devoted to the Constitution and the rule of law, who desire to keep government within its legitimate powers, who respect the rights of our citizens, and who are there as humble servants, not predators or scavengers.

Ultimately, the legislature will be as good or as bad as the people allow.  So that is really up to you!

Our thanks to Glenn Luttrel of Monroe for the use of his photographs of the late Rep. Shady Wall.