They Found Bones!

There’s not usually much activity at our news bureau in Indian Mound, except when the Boy Scouts are doing something at Bethel United Methodist or when Jimmy Santangelo is making deer sausage at Indian Mound Grocery. So you can imagine my surprise when one of our leading citizens called me last week. I was napping.
In a very low voice, he said, “You can’t quote me on any of this. I just want to stay out of it!”
“Out of what?” I asked.
Then he shouted into the phone,
“Bones! They found bones!”
“Who found bones?” I asked.
“It was Cheyenne Fleniken. He was riding his dozer, clearing land next to the Greenwell Springs Hospital. He found thousands of bones! They don’t know if they are Indian bones or maybe Confederate bones or some kind of mass grave. I’m just letting you know. Don’t mention me!”
“Okay,” I said.
I forgot about the call. I’m not about to go poking around in some mass grave. I put my boots back on my desk and went back to sleep. But an hour later, the phone rang again.
“They’ve brought in the Face Team from LSU,” the voice said.
“Who’s the Face Team?” I asked.
“You know, it’s like the team they have on TV that can take a skull and create a computer-generated face. They’re sure there’s foul play here. This is going to be the biggest story ever to come out of Indian Mound,” he said.
I said, “I’m afraid this is out of my jurisdiction. The hospital’s not really in Indian Mound. I think my territory ends somewhere around Denham Road.”
“Listen here, Jenkins!” the voice said, “Get your lazy behind over to the hospital to check out those bones!”
I started to tell him about the fact that I had slept through lunch and was feeling light-headed when he said, “Never mind, I’ve gotta take this call.” And he hung up, just like that!
Mrs. Buhler brought in a “Lost and Found” item. It seems someone opened the gate to her dog pen, and her Catahoula cur named “Heartbroke” escaped. I promised we would run a notice about “Heartbroke” in the Central City News.
One hour later, my friend called back. “Well, they know it’s not Confederate bones or slaves. But I think somebody was doing away with some of the patients at the hospital and hiding the bodies. I talked to Cheyenne. They were buried four to six feet deep. So they were serious about hiding! I’ll call you back.”
Two more hours passed, and I was getting kinda curious. So I called my friend back. “So did the LSU people figure it out yet?” I asked.
“Oh, I thought I told you,” he said. “It was just cow bones, all neatly cut up the same size, maybe for ribs or something.”
I said, “Well, I guess there’s no story there. I was kinda thinking it was Indian bones.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t! You newspaper guys are always trying to stir things up and make something out of nothing. Besides, if it was Indian bones, they’d probably be putting a casino here in Indian Mound!” he said.
I said, “Yeah, well, I’m glad it wasn’t! Sorry to bother you!”

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